Once a week
June 21, 2008 at 7:17 pm | In Cute Guys, Exercise, Family, Friends | Leave a CommentTags: California, Friends, hyalgan, Kartul ena, Marriage, Owen Wilson, parents, parking ticket, Synvisc, walking, Weight Watchers, wineries
Once a week isn’t much, is it? Tsk tsk – Must Do Better.
At any rate, last Sunday we went to our good friends’ house over on the Eastern Shore of Maryland to play in their pool and enjoy a lovely rib dinner. Mmm good…far too good and I overindulged a bit, so Monday I was only down by a bit less than a pound. 
Monday I went to see my orthopedist about my knee and we decided to try a course of something called Synvisc to see if it will help; they’re trying to get it pre-approved by my insurance so I bet I’ll have to drop off the script next week. I had hyalgan before and it’s worked great so if Synvisc doesn’t, or only lasts a while, I’ll try that again.
Tuesday and Wednesday are a bit of a blur at the moment, but by Thursday I was doing so well on my activity and diet that I’d lost an additional 2 pounds. Friday I think things went off the rails a bit. First, I got a parking ticket at work because I forgot to put my handicapped parking placard out. There goes $155. Then I (wrongly) thought that C would be furious so my tension made (allowed? encouraged?) me to pick a rather overdramatic fight with him, and to skip working out. This was rather silly as I’d been looking forward to it since we were dismissed early and all and Thursday and Wednesday there was a rather good amount of EC at the gym. Instead I went home. We were all made up and went out with our friends for sushi. C & I overate grossly but it was all so good.
Today I didn’t work out or see Neal as we took my dad out to lunch. We went out to a Pho restaurant in Crofton where he lives and I was pleasantly surprised; they had a very extensive menu and it was quite good. He can be annoying, not horrible, not mean, but sometimes annoying. He was bound and determined to go to this pho place and so we did. Mind you I get this horrible feeling when he talks about his problems; I’m not used to frailty in my parents. It gives me all sorts of forebodings, and then I think about C missing his parents and wishing we could make as big a fuss over them as we do over mine, or even just wishing he could hug them. I wish I could make him happy and not miss them. He’s really wonderful and so giving but I’m never sure if he’s really content here. Maybe that’s why I never really feel impatient with him or that I’m giving too much, the way I did with previous “partners” – I want to give to C, to give and give and give and yet no matter what I get so much more happiness from him than I feel I have the power or ability or specialness to give him.
Visited with my mum afterwards for tea and got some good recce on wineries we may want to visit when in California. If it weren’t for the flight and my fear thereof I’d be a lot more keen on the trip. I am keen on marrying C but I dread the flight over there. Mind you I’m looking forward immensely to being there, I hope everyone understands. Then on the way to gas up we went to the Odenton Dairy Queen and I had a large malted. I am just just just keeping within my points, and I have have have to go work out tomorrow.
Plans for tomorrow then in no particular order:
- Bake bread (must make the sponge tonight)
- Work out, including make a list of the strength equipment available (and if I have the guts which ones I can actually fit on without looking like a solid blob)
- Do Georgian
- Put up more photos on our ‘other’ website (once again, all you have to do is ask for the URL but it’s not public).
You know, I’ve been so blessed with great friends around me, people I know that I don’t deserve but who for some reason or other enrich my life. They’ve been there for me so many times; times I’ve had virtually no money and was eating cup-a-soups for lunch and dinner, had my phone and electric cut off, was down to my last few bucks. They’ve fed me and let me stay on their sofas and I never feel I could do enough to repay them, but I would if I had the chance and knew what to do. That’s my trouble often — a lack of imagination. I’m great at getting or taking what I need, but not always so hot at responding to the needs of others, mainly because I guess I figure I let my needs be known, quite well(!) so others will too. I don’t know where I’m going with this so before I get all awkward (or boring) I’ll stop as a word to the wise is always enough.
Let’s lighten the mood and make it as sunny as Owen Wilson’s blond locks, shall we? Here is a smorgåsbord of him for your viewing pleasure. Oh, and Karen commented correctly, the mystery man is Oliver Hudson and his sister Kate used to date Mr. Wilson (O.). Since O. Hudson (not O. Wilson) is a big fave of C’s he’ll be back soon, as will more Boys from Brazil, but for now, let’s gaze on the sexiest broken nose in Hollywood…
(By the sights of what’s below his right elbow in the speedos shot, Mr. Wilson’s having a great day…)
From Low to High Thank Heavens
April 13, 2008 at 9:30 pm | In Family, Friends, Work | Leave a CommentTags: crush, Friends, love, partner
That was the story. We’ll start with Friday. For some reason, despite the day starting off like any other, I was a bit out of sorts. But then things went down hill. CH barely spoke to me but had time for it seemed everyone else. I wondered what I’d done to upset him but I didn’t want to ask for fear of coming across as a real weirdo. So I said nothing, and certainly very little to him. In fact I became colder and more aloof as the day went on. It probably wouldn’t have taken a rocket scientist’s assistant to work out I was upset about something.
Towards the end of the day we had to go to a ceremony for all people receiving various awards and recognitions. I sat opposite CH, but made an excuse to move a bit further down. I’m really crap at these things and I was upset and frankly acting very childish. I maintained a pointlessly uncommunicative stance. As I felt more and more that I was acting stupidly I seemed to grow a second skin, a carapace really, that kept me encased in anger at CH and myself, and in fear of seeming vulnerable or being laughed at. Finally I muttered some excuse and left, feeling awful.
I wondered why I was acting this way – do I have a crush on CH? He’s crushable, he’s good-looking and athletic, the kind of person people are supposed to admire and he was being nice to me (and I to him). But I’m 42 – how silly would a crush be, especially since I have the best partner in the world!
I even asked a friend if this were true, and she seemed to indicate it might be, but in speaking to her I realized that it’d pass, and after such a lovely weekend with friends and especially with C it really seems silly in retrospect. One insight she passed along was that often, a crush or infatuation or severe admiration complex (my term!) involves somebody who makes you see yourself differently (and in a way you like). Wow; talk about sensible (this friend could be a psychologist). I took the gift of her insight to realize that if CH could make me feel good it meant he saw good in me, in some way, which means that there must be good in me, and also what she said made me listen more to C today and hear the love in his voice and most of today I spent on cloud nine. He’s such a marvellous guy. 
I love him beyond the stars and the sky, I love his breathing and his life, I wish that I could be his clothes so that I could wrap myself around him and be always close to him and protect him as he goes about his day.
So today was great!
No eye candy today. I’ll make it up tomorrow, I promise.
A Very Rough Week
February 17, 2008 at 10:48 pm | In Culture, Cute Guys, Exercise, Family, Friends, Gay | Leave a CommentTags: Exercise, Friends, Mike Rowe, Raphael Laus
It’s been a very very rough week.
Wednesday I worked until 8:45 pm, Thursday until 7:30. Friday I left work at noon. Now I hadn’t been to the gym all week and I was very scared of going, but I forced myself to and did a gruelling 50 minutes, with many pauses and stops and nearly passing out. But I did it.
Neal came today and I was apprehensive again. (Exhaustion and worry have been a theme this week.) I’d told him via phone that I was a bit tired of spending 45 minutes or more on ‘nutrition’ and ‘intake’ – while I understand why, I think that it’s a bit excessive, and I also think that judicious hints here and there were being made to get me to spend more with him. I put it nicely but I was still nervous.
In the event, however, he was gracious about it and things went well. However, I need to put my work in as well, and I have this ‘home routine’ he scribbled down, and I have to try to interpret it. Can you help?
1. L A C (No idea. I think I’ll just try to do crunches, if C can spot me maybe with 10lbs or so)
2. BK WL Hold. (No idea. I think the idea is that I like on my back, bring my bent knees (BK?) to my waist level (WL) and hold them there, to ‘work’ my abs.
3. Batoging. (I think this is supposed to be lying on my back and hauling my…posterior off the ground.)
4. SE TAILS CT 135 deg HOLD/reps (No idea, I think this is a seated shoulder raise to 135 degrees, or a scapular retraction; I think I’ll add 10lbs of goodness.)
It’s also not been a stellar week for intake. First off, without the internet it was impossible to enter it into the weight watchers site (and God forbid I use pen and paper, I hear you say); the net was very slow at work and I was so bloody busy. (Mustn’t think about work or I’ll get all tense.)
There were a lot of candy bars and salty snacks, and that was bad. And peanuts and almonds and things. And that was bad too.
Brand New Day
However today was a brand new day and things seem to be going better, or at least not as bad. C and I went for a long drive over to the Eastern Shore even though it was cloudy and gloomy; I just had to get out of the house and away from the area in which I normally circulate. We drove first to Easton, then Preston where a coworker of C’s lives, then to Cambridge and back to visit our friends K, D, and J. We didn’t really get out of the car much; it was just nice to drive down the country roads and see the little towns. Easton I do like; there are some really nice houses and with the old brick buildings and twee little shops it looks so much like a prosperous Home Counties little town. Cambridge is a bit less special, and Preston is barely visible.
I frankly don’t know how this coworker manages to drive nearly two hours to work every day, and two hours back home. I couldn’t do it-I once commuted about 75 miles every day and it was horrible. I found it so hard to get out of the house in the morning, knowing I had this huge long drive ahead of me, and exactly the same huge long drive to get home. And I could almost see my car getting older by the mile and I was putting gas in it nearly every day. (This was during a very bad time in my life so perhaps that is coloring my recollections.)
Even though my supervisor and second-level supervisor are not ideal, I keep thinking about my previous commute straight through the District of Columbia and how over breakfast I’d have to keep an eye on the traffic reports to see if I could leave at my usual time, if I’d have to jump out early, or even if (once or twice) it wasn’t just better to call in and use some of my leave to cover avoiding a huge tie-up. And I think I can put up with the less-than-ideal-ness, the not-offering-alternate-work schedule-ness, the not-offering-telecommuting-ness, for a bit longer. Not that I’m not applying elsewhere, just that I’m more selective about how far and through what kind of traffic I want to drive every day. Somehow the Southeast-Southwest Freeway lost its charm years ago.
Dinner with our friends has not lost its charm but I felt a bit awkward dropping in on them, and while we were out at Big Batt’s, a local Kent Island restaurant, there was some very distressing news arrived for them. I hope they will be okay and they know that if they need anything from C or me, all they have to do is ask.
Da Flix at Home
Saw a very nice movie from Netflix Friday, it’s a gay romantic comedy and for once it really was romantic, except for perhaps one rather dreadful scene. It’s called “Adam and Steve” and I recommend it for a date night or some such evening. It made me all smiley at the end. I think part of what I liked about it was that the two leads are actually gay, and their chemistry was really evident. (Is this how straight people see straight romantic comedies? How lovely for them.) It is not perfect, and I’ve seen better romances, and better gay flicks, but I did enjoy it.
I also started (finally) watching the two episodes of Chuck that I missed all those weeks ago. The first one (“Chuck Versus the Undercover Lover”) looks good in that the story’s good and there’s a big part for Adam Baldwin, the hot National Security Agency agent and Chuck-handler. Click on this pic to see his big grin get even bigger…I really have to finish watching them now that the writers’ strike seems to be over.
All This and More Eye Candy Too?
Yup, here’s some more of our continuing fascination with dirty Mike Rowe. I have to say these screen shots don’t do him justice, and I really enjoyed the latest episode where he had to climb to the top of a giant suspension bridge and change lightbulbs along the way. I especially enjoyed that it was him doing it and not me. These screen shots are apparently of him in an episode where he was a mushroom farmer’s assistant. At least he’s not staying dirty…and there’s a really cute one of him washing off after shearing alpacas. As usual, click on him to take a closer look.
And here is a hillarious video of Mike Rowe having been punked as it were by a hotel owner…well worth a watch…
Speaking of streams of wetness, here’s a parting shot of the delights of Mr. Raphael Laus, this month’s favourite Brazilian bombshell….
(Like Kajagoogoo say, he’s too shy, [far] too shy)
Life is Good!
February 3, 2008 at 10:41 pm | In Cute Guys, Exercise, Friends | 2 CommentsTags: Exercise, Food, Friends, Mike Rowe, Raphael Laus, walking
Life is good, dare I say it? (Ducking my temptation of fate.) Well, this weekend was.
Work isn’t but I’ll get to that. Or it will get to me.
Friday we had a pretty good meal out with our friends at a Mongolian barbecue. I do like the idea of a Mongolian barbecue because I could put mostly cabbage in my bowl and ate very few actual calories. There was a bit of a kefuffle over one member of the group who needed a ride, but we all had a good time in the end.
Saturday Neal said I’d been doing well on ‘intake’ mainly thanks to C and his encouragement, but…he hadn’t seen the latest data! Oh well. I told him about the blue funk I got into on Wednesday, feeling very sorry for myself and utterly unentitled to go to the gym. It went away but it was pretty devastating all the same. I felt like – who’m I kidding, with my fat pudgy body, how stupid it is of me to think I can go ‘work out’ with all these fit guys. I must emphasize that all this came entirely from within me, that nobody at the gym has actually been anything worse than studiously neutral, and some have been very encouraging. And most of the time, except that one day, I love going. Even if PHG isn’t there.
Saturday evening C & I went for a lovely dinner with our friends K/D/J. C put in some new memory into their computer and then we went to a local hamburger joint for, well, hamburgers. Yours truly balanced veggie burger discipline with greasy yummy onion rings.
Sunday we did zip zero nada. Well, some of our tax return money
came in; we always put the bulk of it to ‘good works’ (bills or our vacation fund) and save some for ‘blow money.’ I spent some of my blow money this evening on an Ogio Locker Bag. I found it for twenty percent off on eBags and I hope it gets here soon. I hope it will be easier to use than the bag I’ve currently got. I’m trying not to buy any DVDs as (a) I have so many DVDs I’ve not yet watched and (b) DVDs seem to divide C & me as we have utterly divergent tastes. There are a few books I’ve got my eye on, though.
As requested
As requested by at least one friend and gentle reader, I’ve added a calendar on my sidebar. I hope it’s helpful.
Danger Mike!
Why does he cruelly restrict us from that area?
This warning sign really could go with cooking naked but our man of all talents, Mike Rowe, seems to do well getting cold things hot (and us hotter) in this little clip. He even lifts some of the restrictions on that danger zone…pay no attention to the inhabitant of the Land of Fruit and Nutcases with him…
Speaking of Videos…
Here’s the video of our lovely hose boy Brazilian Model Rafael Laus and the making of his photospread for Terra’s feature ‘The Boy.’
And here he is in the second spread of his lovely self with his warm stream of wetness….
(Doesn’t he drip nicely?)
No! No! I will not put TGIF here
January 25, 2008 at 6:40 pm | In Cute Guys, Exercise, Friends, South Africa | Leave a CommentTags: Exercise, Food, Friends, Hutch, Mike Rowe, Raphael Laus, Starsky, walking
But it is Friday. Today I went to see my licensed clinical social worker, Alan, and we discussed my troubling relationship with food. We seem to think that for me, food meets more than nutritional needs and my ‘homework’ is to write down all the things that it means, and all the needs it meets for me. I know that he finds it interesting that:
- I describe food as “lovely” – as if it were a person,
- I often favor supple squashy comforting food,
- I often imagine food as a soft matress or pillow that I sort of sink into, and
- I feel that if I don’t eat, the food will never be there again and that I will die.
We’ll have to see what it all might mean. There seem to be definite breast/nurturing issues-very Freudian.
I think it was mainly delved into because of our pizza fest last night. We had a medium pepperoni pizza each and C felt guilty about it. Which didn’t help the mood this morning. However, as usual, our disagreements never last more than an hour.After seeing Alan, I swung by the house and wound up reregistering for an adult site I used to like, which made me feel guilty. That’s two, which is more than recently, but not my ‘historical’ high of three sites. You can contact me for the names and my recommendations/comments, if you like.
Longer Faster Steeper
I guess signing up for it set me up for feeling free of all concerns (or, conversely, was me attempting to deal with having to give up food by starting up another vice/habit!), so I trotted off to the gymnasium, where I didn’t listen to the podcast or The Economist, but watched both a Starsky & Hutch episode (”Snow Storm”) and a video I downloaded from ‘R3ndi3r’ on YouTube. He’s a cute/handsome/hunky South African. Here’s a sample of his rants (don’t click if you have tender ears!):
In any event, because of a biggish break at minute 34, at least 1 minute long, I was able not only to go either faster or up steeper inclines for 51 minutes. I expect that this was because I’d not been to work so was all fresh and stuff, but considering I didn’t go yesterday evening I was still pretty chuffed.
Whatever else you may feel about R3ndi3r (real name: Reynaldo Gouws) and his rants you have to admit they’re heartfelt.
Hearts reside in chests
Hearts reside in chests, to my preference big and hairy ones. (Chests, that is. I like hairy chests. Hairy hearts may be lethal.) This is my very lame and pathetic segue to introduce today’s picture of our man Mike Rowe. If you click on it, it gets really really big. I think it was taken as part of Shark Week on the Discovery Channel. And here’s a video of him playing with his long strong snake…
After all this
After all this I’m still not too tired to go off and see my friends – K/D/J have a lovely alternative to eating in a restaurant for this evening – we’re all meeting at their house. They do go to so much trouble for their friends – we’re so lucky. But our mini-obsession Raphael Laus does look quite tired, or if not tired, at least he’s draped rather prettily on his bed for our viewing delectation…
(You’d forgive him morning breath and bed head, wouldn’t you?)
Even Mine Can be Amazing
January 21, 2008 at 5:29 pm | In Cute Guys, Exercise, Friends | Leave a CommentTags: Exercise, Friends, Mike Rowe, walking
Talk about a result. I finally went back to the gym on Friday, and managed an achingly sore 30 minutes. The small of my back was the sore of my back and my hips hurt with it. Saturday before Neal came I managed 35 much less painful minutes. Sunday was too freaking cold to leave the house but today I am proud to state I did 42 minutes. I’ve erased the effects of a week and a bit off sick. Even my body can be amazing when it needs to.
As I was walking along the other day I was watching some guys play basketball. One of them was particularly exciting to watch; not because he was good-looking (although he was indeed) but because he would explode into action whenever he had the ball. It was exhilarating to see him go, and I realized he didn’t come out of a box that way. I had to ask myself how much I’d cheated myself out of by the choices I’d made. How much fun and how much confidence did I avoid by always taking the easy way out?
I can’t say it would have been just as easy, just as undemanding, but what I keep thinking about is that there was a time when I could have run up and down the court, when doing that didn’t seem impossible, a ticket to an early heart attack, too hard, when visions of me smashing the floorboards didn’t come up, but I would still avoid it. I’m not deterministic enough to say I’ve closed the door on my athletic self forever, but I’ve certainly given myself a much more arduous time to open it. I’m literally wearing my past, and my every decision in this area. But then we all do, don’t we?
I know, I know; I’m just walking, sometimes slow, sometimes moderately less so, on a treadmill. I’m not running a marathon or power lifting or anything really admirable like that. So can my thoughts run, but I’m really trying not to give in to that kind of thinking – it’s the kind of thinking that has absolutely done for me in the past. It’s self-sabotage masquerading as realism, it’s the little inward insistent voice telling me that I oughtn’t bother, that I’m ridiculous, that I’m out of my league, that I’ve gone above my place in life. It’s not realism though until I help it become real; until I put my self-talk ahead of self-care. I hate that little voice even as I admit it’s been my companion and despised guide nearly all my life. I’m no longer interested in who birthed it, or where it came from, just in how fast I can get rid of it. It may have been protective but it’s the protection of embalming. It’s well past its sell-by date.
Just to reassure you I don’t actually hear voices in my head; other than my own voice running easily down familiar channels, channels that I have to change.
Wat nog?
It was a good weekend. Saturday night my friend R.K. came over to dinner with his wife and children and we had a very enjoyable time. After they left C said “I’d forgotten how nice and down to earth they are.” They really are. Today I should have done a bunch of errands but you know what a holiday is like – the littlest tasks seem to go on forever.
And in some bad news, a former coworker of C’s passed away last week. It’s always a pisser when you hear of that happening. My deepest sympathies to her husband, son, and daughter.
I heard on the radio today that this Monday, the third of January, is the most depressing day of the year – your bills from Christmas have just come in, while you’ve realized you’re not keeping your new year’s resolutions. I’ll put up a scorecard of mine later on – I’m not terribly bad and some have in face until the end of January to be completed but the list is a … work in progress. Yes, that’s the ticket.
Chuck is back this Thursday – I won’t be answering the phone while he’s on.
I’ve been watching some DVDs from Netflix of the Mary Tyler Moore show. I used to love the show when it was on back in the seventies – I used to want to be somehow just like Mary or have a life like hers – all light and frothy and fun and just like on TV. My favourite so far was the episode 1040 or Fight which starred Paul Sands; who both C and I thought was cute (back then). Paul Sand, Paul Michael Glazer – I had a thing for craggily handsome rumple Jewish neurotics – macho versions of Woody Allen – even back as a pre-teen! Click on his pic to see Mr. Sand way back when.
The Dirty Guy – Remember When?
Mike Rowe, our current filthy obsession, used to sell crap on QVC. He wasn’t a total robot and was given to some pretty funny ad-libs while trying to push whatever junk it was he was told to push:
Can you imagine having to make that look interesting? I do think he’s gotten handsomer as he’s aged. Here’s a more luscious view of our favourite grimy guy…click him to indulge your fantasies about indulging his. Love that chest.
I have to ask – was the mini-obsession guy popular with people?
I’ll try to blog again later tonight.
(Indulge his what, precisely, I hear you wonder….)
Long Time Coming….
January 7, 2008 at 8:52 am | In Exercise, Friends, Kartuli Ena, Resolutions | Leave a CommentTags: D, Friends, Georgian, J, K, Resolutions
So far so good; it’s been a while since I blogged but I have an excuse reason: I’ve been busy lazy.
First, props to me for getting my butt out of bed Saturday before Neal and doing a 33 minute walk – and the first walk where I only took 1 short (less than a minute) break. It was actually very nice to get out and get moving in the day. Neal seemed pleased too. We talked a lot about my intake; I’ve made some progress but I need to do better – and I will. I stayed within my WW points all last week, on a weekly basis, which I’m glad to report. However, my scales are cruel; I weighed myself Friday morning and had lost, quite a bit but today, my official WW weigh-in day, I’d not lost. Bloody hell. I’ve walked every day but two since the new year and quite a bit each time.
I did successfully avoid a whole rack of ribs on Friday because we didn’t go to the Longhorn as planned (far too crowded) but at another restaurant whose ribs are revolting.
Had my very good friends over for dinner on Saturday – it was fun. C made a vegan casserole that was actually quite nice – K said it was like her ‘garbage soup’ but that was a compliment. I was surprised how much I liked it. I don’t think D was too fond but he seemed to handle it. The recipe’s here – it could be thrown together easily. I’m surprised also how nice it was to have dinner in the crock pot – no last minute frantic cooking. I think I’ll do that on Saturday next when we’ll have some more people over. We were going to watch a movie but just sat around nibbling cheese and chatting, about our plans to eat healthier. You spot the irony in that sentence. I think cheese is my besetting sin. No, I don’t think it. I am certain of it.
I think as usual I put my foot in my mouth a few times; I’m getting good at it and if it ever becomes an Olympic sport you’ll see me on the podium to the strains of the National Anthem. I let my chit-chat run away with me and I need to stop. I don’t mean to be rude or insensitive but sometimes I am. I hope my friends and family understand that my intention doesn’t always match my actions.
Sunday we sat around doing nothing. ‘Nuff said. So lazy we ordered dinner in.
Now, I may have to ammend the resolution to add three minutes a day down to one minute a day; that may be more realistic.
And I need to sit down with Georgian tonight after dinner; I ‘owe’ it three hours – it may get two today and two tomorrow. I really want to tackle this odd and intricate language. I don’t know why; why do clock makers try to make their clocks ever smaller and more complex? To see what they can do?
Oh, dear, no DILF-y or otherwise totty today; but I promise some Meloni Madness tonight with your kartuli ena.
As usual I appreciate your comments more than I can tell you.
I Can Keep the Prizes!
November 21, 2007 at 10:04 am | In Culture, Cute Guys, Friends | Leave a CommentTags: 24th Day, Cameras, Friends, James Marsden, photography, Sakis Rouvas, Scott Speedman
Well, it looks like I can keep the prize for the Theme Thursday; what Dean Cain, Rupert Graves, James Marsden and Jake Gyllenhaal have in common is that all of them have played gay men; Dean Cain and Rupert Graves twice. I saw the James Marsden film the other day (The 24th Day) and I was very impressed; it’ll be on my Amazon.com wish list. I liked it because it touched on a question I tried to answer when I was looking at religion; no matter what I think is the truth, or what you think is the truth, or in many cases, what we tell ourselves is the truth, there is an actual truth, the truth, that exists independent of our knowing it or wanting it to be. Or maybe not; I believe philosophers have argued the question with more elegance and precision than I could. Either way, I don’t understand why this movie isn’t better know. Note to friends, although the two characters did share a tryst, it’s not a ‘gay’ movie so if I do buy it and suggest it as a group watch, don’t roll your eyes! (Love you all and how well you know me.)
Bessamatic Bye-bye!
So how did I lose my old Bessamatic? Well it’s a story of shame and self-blame. I threw it away. I was moving from an apartment in Arlington to one in Alexandria in 1999, preparatory to C’s arrival from Australia. I procrastinated and procrastinated over the packing; the day before my friends were to move me I was still futzing around, watching a Friends marathon and getting little done. About 11 p.m., I bucked my ideas up and began to pack; and realized that quite a bit was to be done. In the panic at about 3 a.m., I just took everything that I thought sacrificeable couldn’t see a use for hadn’t packed, and just threw it into garbage bags and put it into the dumpster. Sadly, a vintage Voightländer Bessamatic, with a telescoping lens, in working nick, was included. Stupid stupid stupid of me. I jettisoned quite a bit during that move, including my entire vinyl collection. Thinking back on it, I just remember feeling so alone and panicky, and I am actually reproducing that feeling now, in my gut.
Luckily the last move I made, in 2001 was done with C and the help of movers. C and I do sit on our comfy seats too much, get too little done, indulge our procrastination too much, but when we’re motivated, when we pull ourselves up, we can really move mountains (or households, with the help of movers!). We packed everything ourselves, playing Bonde do Tigrão over and over again on the stereo. Even now, while I think of the one move with despair, whenever I hear “Sai do Chão! Sai do Chão! Esse e o Bonde do Tigrão!” I have a bit of pride and a really fond memory of working with my beloved partner to build our wonderful life together. I love loving him.
A New Obsession
All things must pass and I’m going to have to find a new obsession; it’s going to be hard to say good bye to Sakis, although he does seem a bit resigned to it….What made Sakis such a good candidate was the wide variety of pictures and videos of him on the net, same for Michael Lewis; I’ll have to examine the candidates carefully. There may be one more Sakis spurt before the big change, but I promise you the new obsession, whoever it may be, will be worth the long wait.
(Awww…parting is such sweet, postponeable sorrow)
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