I know – it’s been awhile. I’ve been so distracted lately but I have a few moments now for some random thoughts.
To catch up
Hmmmm well, Friday chums, C, and I went to a nice diner in Crofton for our weekly get-together. I have to say I did very badly at dining; fat galore. And our bill at the end was rather high too.
Saturday Neal came by and professed himself pleased at my progress both cardio and strength training. I had just come from a lovely walk at the gym; it was nice and empty. Driving up as usual I loved listening to Car Talk (“20 years and still not cancelled”) on NPR. Coming into the Fort there was an Air Force group washing cars and I was up for some flyboys rubbing my bodywork so the car looks all shiny and I departed happy.
Later that same day, we did very little. C had been planting all sorts of beautiful things in our back yard and I could tell he was out of energy for the day. I felt a bit bad because we were supposed to borrow my dad’s pickup truck to get mulch, but even though I can fit my fat ass in it, I can’t quite get the seatbelt on. I really didn’t want to drive it under those circumstances. (And today I feel even fatter. 😦 ) I guess we’ll have to rent something.
Sunday we did bestir ourselves and visited a local garden center to look at boulders to place in the front garden. I really think that they could enhance the curb appeal of the property – make the place look nice out front. It was a bit tough to decide though as I thought it’d be good to match the locally occurring rocks but in our flat area there really aren’t any rocks poking out of the ground. Probably going to get some grey fieldstone.
Monday and Tuesday were pretty blah at work. Monday we did have a lovely dinner C cooked – scallops and chorizo, with a shredded cabbage salad. Tuesday we at dinner at C’s work. Sadly though I’ve not been to the gym since Saturday. I really have to go tonight. I miss it a bit, but it’s so easy to take time to ‘run errands’ or ‘whatever’ and decide that the gym can wait. I am looking forward to it tonight but I’m already thinking ‘ooh I should blow it off and get cheese for dinner’ or ‘ooh will I be up to cooking?’ – I’m making grilled zucchini, pepper, and portabella sandwiches tonight. (I thought some feta or asiago would be nice on them.)
My mum and dad are back from their northern California visit – they seem to have really enjoyed it. I’ll have to ring them.
Last night I did stay late, mostly chatting to CH at work (the Soldier I came out to). I think he’s gossiped about me; he said “Oh, someone was saying ‘Yeah, I think AngloAm may be gay,'” but when I asked who he refused to say. Ah, well. Nobody’s acted differently around me. He also asked me whether or not I “liked” some guy who’d come into the office on business – “I bet you ‘like’ him <giggle> <giggle>.” I dunno. I’m wondering whether or not to invite him out to our Friday night dinners; I’ll have to ask the others.
Talk From the Animals
You know what I envy about animals? When they make a mistake, if they’re not killed, they don’t seem to waste time feeling guilty or bad; they just move on. If a squirrel looses a ‘shoving match’ with another one it doesn’t sulk, it just makes the best of things and finds someplace else to eat. If a bird falls off the edge of a birdbath it doesn’t die of embarrassment, it just tries again. It’s like they’re so totally in the moment that they don’t hang on to bad things. I’m not saying that we should emulate them in all things but it’d be nice just to be able to let go of and move beyond useless feelings as immediately as I get them, and to be able to adapt to things without bitching about them.
Do you have any feelings that burden you that you’d love to just ditch? A recurring sense of embarrassment or shame that serves no purpose? Fear and worry and anxiety when it’s not warranted? I know I do but slowly, so slowly, I’m becoming more aware of them and sometimes, very rarely, I can calm the internal chaotic cacophony enough to look at them as objectively as a squirrel and just stop them.
No eye candy for this post; I’m at work and using Internet Explorer which has a tough time formatting them. Have to wait until I can post from home. Until then….