That posting to a blog while negotiating a complicated SPUI is a bad idea. Don’t worry, I won’t do it again.
So I’m all done with Alan for the evening. Alan’s my counselor. And he wants me to set a goal for myself to bring this weight loss journey into sharper focus (which strikes me as a good change from drifting from excuse to excuse whining about how “I’m trying, trying, trying.” I’m not trying when I’m not trying, if you get my idea. So I shall, and I shall post it here too. I’m a bit nervous, but apparently that’s a good thing. He told me to stop feeling sorry for myself, that self-pity is something I use to avoid responsibility and to continue my self-BS and my BSing others. I dunno. Whine whine whine. 🙂 Out goes the bottom lip, and off AngloAm goes on a vacation from all the rules. At least that would have been my pattern, and it may still be – I hope not, but hope’s not really enough, is it? Like faith without works, right?
But I still feel like I’m losing all my pillows, my soft refuges, my exit doors. It’ll be tough – there’s left-over cake (CAKE!) in the fridge in the break room at work. CAKE! Cake can seem to solve problems so fast – so fast are problems solved, so fast they’re unsolved again, so fast they’re even added to, once you fall into its soft sweet grip. Get this – when I had a slab of it today, I knew to walk with it squarely in front of my body (so people from behind couldn’t see, and to sort of bend the edges of the paper plate on which it resplended up, so that anyone seeing me from in front or the side might not know how big a chunk I’d carved for myself. If I do that – I must know it’s wrong and not something normal people do.
What if the only thing that stops me from being one of those normal people is my belief that I’m not? Do I have to give up being uniquely pitiably me? Do I have to stop being an exception (“better get him a larger chair”…”better not ask him to do this or that…”)? I’ve been able to get a fuss made of myself for years and years, since elementary school, by the simple dint of being an object of pity. Crap. When I read that – crap.
What do you think?
Readin’s for Loozas
Just to cheer us all up, here’s the studly Scot and the hilarious Catherine Tate (also from et.al. Dr. Who). Give it a watch and it’ll give you a larf, you’ll grin just like his very own delectable self.
(He does get my … spirits…up. How about yours?)