But my rhythm’s been off a bit, I can’t figure out why.
Friday we met up with our chums at the crack, er, Peruvian chicken joint and had a lovely evening. Skipping to Sunday, C put the rocks out in the front yard and they look ten times better than I thought they would. Really natural and he’s got them all pointed right to keep the lichen and moss growing.
Saturday it poured from the skies and was cold; I had to have blood work done to see whether or not (a) the change in my thyroid hormone dose was good and (b) to see if I really am anemic. I wonder what you have to do if you are? This isn’t the first time that the result has come back that I’m borderline bloodless. The thing that worries me the most is that it could require a bone marrow aspiration and biopsy if my bone marrow is not working ‘right.’ That scares the living crap out of me. Anytime one of the medical sites says “you may feel some discomfort” you can be sure they mean “you will pass out from the grinding pain.” Well, when I look up this particular test, I get things like “Because local anesthetics aren’t able to numb the interior of your bone, you may feel a deep, aching pain when the needle is fully inserted” and “A core sample of bone marrow is taken with the needle. You may feel a dull, aching pain for a moment as the sample is taken. Again, the pain may travel down your leg.” Let’s parse that. If the anesthetic can’t get to the interior of the bone, you will feel pain when a needle goes into it. There’s no “maybe” about it; I don’t see how it could be otherwise. I get the impression that the deep dull aching pain shooting down your leg is probably the mildest part, certainly less than the sharp shooting soul-destroying pain of a needle breaking into your spine.
Oh, it gets better. Here, I found advice to cover the patient’s eyes “to keep things sterile” – i.e., because it’s so horrific to see that big thick needle coming at them that the patient will jump off the table and run, screaming, into the night. And this gem:
- Anxious patients who have an intravenous (IV) line in place can be given diazepam (“Valium”) by the assisting nurse or physician. This should be slowly hand-pushed (1 mg/min) into a rapidly running IV until the patient’s speech is slurred (keep the patient talking!). This may require 5-20 mg of diazepam over 5-10 minutes. The patient usually falls asleep and snores, but can be aroused. This sedation lasts 20 min to 2 hours and usually produces desirable amnesia for the procedure.Anxious patients who have an intravenous (IV) line in place can be given diazepam (“Valium”) by the assisting nurse or physician. This should be slowly hand-pushed (1 mg/min) into a rapidly running IV until the patient’s speech is slurred (keep the patient talking!). This may require 5-20 mg of diazepam over 5-10 minutes. The patient usually falls asleep and snores, but can be aroused. This sedation lasts 20 min to 2 hours and usually produces desirable amnesia for the procedure.”
Because, you know, the procedure is so horrific that you don’t want the poor sod to be troubled by pesky memories of suffering, and your tales of how you spent your weekend. All this for a little suspicious result. And the treatment? There is none, they shoot you and chuck your body into the nearest landfill. You’re given five minutes to say goodbye to your loved ones and creditors (who will be weeping the most bitterly is anyone’s guess). (Of course not but that’s how panicky I am just sitting here reading about it.)
Now, for the rest of the happy happy joy joy news. Since I’m not menstruating (that I know of!) one of the main causes could be slow bleeding from a cancer anywhere from my stomach to … the other end. So to rule that out I may have to have, oh, I don’t know – a barium drink, or a … an “output” exam (so dignified), or a(n other) colonoscopy. I’ve had two of them, and I’m not fond of the procedure from start to finish. And of course whatever they find may be trouble.
Then the treatment for anemia is either iron supplements (yippee, another pill), or blood transfusions (and they say the blood supply is safe). I don’t think I have any symptoms of anemia, just the lab results. I mean, I’m often fatigued but who wouldn’t be if they got by on as little sleep as I do.
Then there’s another worry; my mum has to go in for more diagnostic checks on some microcalcifications in her breast. She goes in at around 11:00 today; I’m expecting word by this evening.
Of course, now I’m not just trolling around reasonable sites, but sites on hospice care and being terminally ill. And my stomach feels like it’s in free fall. I do this often, read about diseases and wonder what it would be like to have them, and get worried that I do have them or will very soon.
Adding to my feelings of fear and vulnerability is the pain in my right leg; yesterday coming out of the gym I slipped off the curb and slammed my leg down onto the asphalt. I didn’t fall but ‘missed the step’ and the pain shot up to my hip. It’s better now but my knee still feels bad. Last night I could barely walk and I am still limping. I just feel vulnerable and sore and nervous.
Matus Valent isn’t fat, is he? Although he does feel the need to wear his shades in the shower…
(He lathers and everyone gets into a froth)