It’s strange. I was reading Richard Lawson’s hilarious recap of the latest episode of NYC Prep and he said something rather insightful (he nearly always does):
The funny, sad, wonderful, tough thing about youth is that it’s so many firsts. So much of everything is the first time. And it’s great, because you get to feel new every day! But it’s scary, because so much of the world seems to loom over you, to know so much more than you. And you wish yourself into the future, into that faraway time when you’re settled and able. How dumb that is. How dumb it is to not want the first blush forever.
And you know, that’s true. I remember a time when nearly everything, every new discovery about life beyond the confines of home, was something fresh and marvelous and new. And when everything new seemed to make me new, change me in all sorts of wonderful ways. I guess I thought life would always be like that, always full of new starts and restarts, fresh golden apple experience, the first kiss, the first time making love (amazing how sophisticated a fumble in a car made me feel), the first time interviewing for and getting a job, the first time attending a college class. Everything was effortlessly marvelous, as in full of marvels. When…
… you put your head on a pillow and felt like an entirely different being all of a sudden. Someone who knew something small, who’d found a golden kernel of knowledge and taken it, joyously.
But while recalling that time of continuous novelty, what I remember most is being just as ‘foolish’ as Lawson says youth are – I wanted to be settled and domesticated and safe. The thing is, now, at a certain age, I don’t feel wise or smart, even though I do feel settled. But here’s where I disagree with Mr. Lawson. I think the first blush forever would be too unsettled, too mentally tiring after awhile.
But then – maybe that’s because I can’t help seeing it from my current perspective. Maybe somehow how we see the world is how we need to, on some level, when it comes to this area. Or at least perhaps it could be. I’m older than 20, so to me it’s good, it’s a relief of that period (and there were travails – lack of money, lack of knowledge, lack of wisdom, needlessly making things tougher on my life than they had to be) are over. I didn’t know how to manage my money or my affairs, for example, whereas I do, a bit(!) now. I’ve got a man who loves me and whom I love, with no drama or foolishness, but with the contentment of knowing that we mean to be together forever. I remember wishing for that so badly.
And then I think ahead, say twenty years, and people that age seem contented with their time of life too, or at least the ones I know do. So I’m hoping that I will be too, then. I hope I remember not to forget what life is like at 20, or 40.
Yes, yes, but what’ve you been up to?
Well, the past week at work was quite good, I actually had something to do, which is easier than sitting around wondering if I’m wasting my life.
Medically (I hate that I have to have a paragraph for that) I’m not doing so well. I mentioned that I got a cortisone shot for my heel pain. So I couldn’t go to the gym all week. So I’m sure I’ve gained weight. Because I’ve oversnacked. And yesterday while walking around, I suddenly felt this horrible sharp pain in my hip whenever I started to take a step (stretched my leg out to do so).
Now the doc told me to stay away from the gym until my bursitis was ‘resolved’ which I take to mean ‘gone away.’ Not happened yet. He also told me to ice it every evening. Only did that twice so far. In other words, some of this is my fault. I was on a great trajectory say Wednesday, figuring I could go back to walking soon, but Thursday instead of getting a bit better like it had done very day, it got a bit worse. So I’m scared quite frankly – I didn’t get the relief that cortisone normally gives and I can’t have more until three months. I can’t stay away from the gym forever.
If anyone has any advice I’d be grateful.
It’s doubly important because this guy from work whom you see here, and whom I find very sexy, has agreed to teach me how to use the big scary weight machines at the gym. The drawback is that I have to be there at 0545 ready to go but it’ll make a man of me, or something. A sleepy man.
Yesterday the husband and I went down in Bob to Charlottesville, VA, specifically to a shop called Food of All Nations. Well, most nations, anyway. We wandered around–this is where I started getting the shooting pain in my hip. I have to say that I honestly believe that with a combination of Whole Foods (aka Whole Paycheck Foods), MOM’s Organic Market, and some ethnic stores (Italian, Korean/Asian, German, Afghan/Middle Eastern) and mail order, we can get everything from a lot closer than Charlottesville. Which is not to say I’m not glad that this store is so far away because they really do have things from all over. I bought some South African rusks, some English cheese and chocolate bars, they have Australian Vegemite, German ‘fitness bread‘ and other goodies from all over.
Today we did nothing. I watched a bit of the Real Housewives of Atlanta and am trying to decide if I’ll like the show enough to follow it.
To get to Charlottesville I had to put gas in the car, where I caught sight of this random studmuffin pumping away. Oh, I’m such a perve, aren’t I?
C planned the garden a bit more and wondered if he should water it. Our favourite man-candy Gilmar Rodrigues can also get creative with a garden hose and what has to be the most daring use of damp shorts I’ve ever seen (click on the smaller images to see the full breadth and length of his … creativity).